"LOVE... is something that everyone should protect, respect and most of all, empower. It is the root-most entity of all creatures... moreover, it is something... that will always stay at every corners in every hour or time. Its painful indeed... but if it happens to be true... surelly, it will always stay in your hearts ...for as long as the eternity."

            This is the lesson i've learned recently after i realized how great i really am for holding this special thing within me for such a very long extent of time. Either avid or crazy you may say. But i guess, the reason why it lives is that unconciously, even i pushed it away from me... it always go back... on and on... from time to time. I'm glad and blessed because of this, despite all of those countless pains that i felt within these years of having you at my side.

            To the person closest to my heart, this is specially written for you...

            It was a fine rainy day when i found you. Since then, my heart started to beat for just one special reason... that i have to live for you... that no matter what... i need to stay in this world to be with you... More and more, i found myself loving you... to the extent that i hated myself and everyone around me just to protect this invisible thing called "LOVE" within me.

            Those were quite painful yet, some of the most unforgettable days i've ever had in my life. I've got closer to you. Those nights... those unforgettable nights when i found myself walking the streets with you... hand in hand... despite the endless rainfall. Those days and nights when i only had you at my side... and those days when i almost died when you walked away... Yes. I guess, i ain't that brave to say how much it killed me, but those days were the darkest moments in my life. No matter how i try to smile, tears kept falling. I met someone... i loved someone... but i felt that something is missing...

            I was lost once again... i was drowned in a stormy ocean of  grief. I decided to be alone. I felt at ease. and yet, after such a very long time, once again, i felt that something is missing... something that i will always search in every person whom i'll meet from time to time... I found you in a corner... You changed a lot... Your face changed... your warmth has changed as well. I tried not to go further but i found myself clinging to your existence once again... You're beautifully the same as before...

            Yes. It's true... that no matter how a person's look changes, if it's real, then you'll be able to accept everything... Now, surprizingly, i figured out how amazing LOVE really is. Its unexplainable. It's magical. Its timeless, i guess. Moreover, it's unpredictable... Now, i'm brave enough to say that i found my soulmate. Yours is the other soul that i will be always searching from time to time... in every generations... in every dimensions... in every places... no matter how many times will i be born again... that soul... that particular soul is the one created only for me...

            Nothing will ever change these words that i said. Your the only soul created for me. No matter how painful it is. No matter how far our distances will be, i believe that there is someone living in this world for me as well.

            Even if i'll be born again someday to a whole new different person...

            i'll search for you...

            Those were quite unforgettable. They're beautiful yet, they're too painful for my senses. Those, were the days when i couldn't imagine myself smiling... if not, giving a smile right directly from the bottom of my heart. That's what i thought while looking at that cold glass window. The sceneries i see seemed different. I was a bit dizzy however, i managed to walk and get into the car at that moment... I sipped a couple of times from the cup of luke warm coffee that i was holding and looked once again at the window.

            "I wonder, what are those guys doing now...?" I thought.

            I miss them alot, but no matter what happen, i want to continue this decision i chose at the moment. Its not that i don't want to hurt either them or myself. Its just because i want to spend more time for myself and think about that things that are happening... and the things that are about to happen in my life.

            Yes. I must admit that i am the usual loud, cheerful, and flambuoyant person. However, at this very moment... i chose to be in silence. I don't really have an idea why but as time passes by, i clearly see the meaning of what i am doing.

            That car isn't running to fast... i loved its speed. Despite all the cracks and such on the road it has taken, it continued to run smoothly... in a speed which isn't too dangerous and isn't too safe as well.

            Balanced.

            That might be the most accurate word to describe it. Suddenly, i noticed that the rain clouds got low at that moment. It seemed to fall very soon. I sipped again at the cup. I gave a deep breath and closed my eyes.

            "It might be better if everything stays like this at the moment." I said to myself. That what i honestly feel since that day until now. I'm at ease... but i still have that pinch of pain on my chest. I must get up... with my head held high... and walk on this new road that i'm about to take.

            And those meaningless days continued. Still, i haven't found any jobs at the moment. I guess, having this kind of state is a bit boring... and yeah, i should also say SAD. I need to be honest, and i don't really want to fool myself this time. Yes, i do have regrets from my resignation... Too bad that i realized it so lately. However, if i were to choose, i still want to have another jOb... but not the kind of job i previewsly had. I do had some regrets because of this...

            Let's look up the things this way...

            Yes, i had a pretty good job. Its a hard one yet it pays you pretty well. I got tired, and sick so i was left with no choice but to resign... during those days, i'm on the process of application to a new job... i was so confident, so i decided to stop at my job. then, i was dumped. Yes. I failed to get hired and now... probably that's the reason why i have some regrets within me right now.

            If i've just gave enough patience... perhaps i'll get used to that job more than how i expected it to be. I could have stayed longer with that job and could have earned and saved more money. Yes. These are the regrets inside me right now. And frankly speaking, i couldn't really figure out the things that i really want to do. I know, i can't go back. I pulled out myself from that road and now, i'm still searching for a new one.

            There's no such thing as comfort in a life of an unemployed like me.

            Yes. I do enjoy this long.... free... and... yeah! free vacation... but there's no money behind this lifestyle... and thank god, now i finally realize the things that a human being should have in life... First, you really really  really  really really  really  really  need to find for a source of income first. And Second, it is so necessary to look for a source of happiness as well.

            Like... Yes, you should find a living to happiness... then find some happiness to live... How ironic isn't it? now... i can feel that i'm almost there... there... i still have so many doors and windows around me so i shouldn't be afraid. It's just that i guess, i'm so desperate to that kind of JOb i want to pursue. LOL. I guess that would be all... and god.

            I'm missing this line. "it's another great day!" everyone XD

            I'm living. I have no job at the moment and all the things that i do these days are just, eating, sleeping, surfing the net and such. Lately, i just realized how meaningless my days had become since i resigned from that company. Funny to say, yeah, i did enjoy being unemployed at first. LOL! I loved that calm feeling... no need to think for anything... just enjoying every single moment of living...

            until one day...

            WORTHLESS.

            Those are the words i saw when i found my face in the mirror. I gave a little smile and yep, i figured out why or how it is that working or having a descent job is very essential these days. Yes, i still have money but as early as now, but if i won't find another means of income, little by little, those money that i've saved during those working days will disappear.

            Funny to say, but that made me wonder why there are some men who doesn't have jobs can confidently face their days.

            These are what we call MEANINGLESS DAYS.

            Hahaha. I'm so desperate to find a new and easier job now. Somehow, because of what i recently realized, i had a little pinch regret here in my chest, however, no matter what, i have no plans to go back to that work for now, unless needed you know! LOL.

            Let's have a toast. This is how i live right now.

            MEANINGLESS. haha