Until now, i couldn't believe that i said something like that to him. I mean, i'm not that strong when it comes to love. Perhaps, it's just because i got tired of it. Tired... of hiding my feelings... of lying to myself... and pretending that nothing really happens between the two us. I confessed and now, i am not certain if i feel better or not. I couldn't say if it might be a start of a deeper promise or the end of a story.

            Whenever i look at the sky after that moment, i believe that atlast, i made the greatest achievement for this invinsible thing that i've been protecting of for a very long time. Tears fell for a countless times. My heart stomped for an immeasureable speed. I smiled and my world came upside down but see? i came back again... accepting the same hands and forgetting the same mistakes that i made...

            After that moment, i felt that everything seemed different. We aren't the same persons as before... either two strangers from a different world ...or two people bound by fate for each other...

            I don't want to believe in something nor expect for things that might change my life forever... No. i'm sure that i'll be happier being like this... The sound of the falling rain endlessly breaking the silence left inside my heart...

            Different.

            The night was unexcpected. I never thought that my day would end like this. I'm crazy... but i admire the courage that i've shown that peson when i said those words. I don't know why or how that idea came into my mind... Perhaps, because there are two things that i want to gamble with that.

            1st, If things went well, then it's fine with me and 2nd, if things get worse, that person would surely keep distance from me. Yeah, i know that it's possible, however either cases, i've already prepared myself. and honestly speaking, those this might be so hard for my part, i prefer the 2nd one.

            It has been years and years since i've always wanted to say these words. Though i usually say "I like you..." or "i miss you...", i've never said something like "i honestly love you..." seriously witht that person... and now, its all or nothing...

            I wonder how my life would change after this night... I wonder if brand new days would come or else, our story would now be on it's last scene...

            I don't have any regrets nor expectations.

            But as far as my mind can reach, i want things to be cleared out now. Yeah, i'm gettin tired... and i want myself to enjoy first more than anyone else as of this moment... haayz... at last...

            "You're quite annoying these past few days. I know it. I just don't understand how should i respond to those words but, more and more, i find myself going near at your side once again."

            You were the one who brought tears into my eyes for a countless times up to now. You were always the one who bring pain into my chest. However, you were always the one who make me feel special and somewhat, blessed whenever you come near me.

            But you know what, as of this moment, there have been so much memories i've made with you. Thank you. Those are the words that i could say at this time. It's not because i want keep myself away from you right now. It's just that at this rate, a lot of things have already changed between You and I; it is as if i don't really know the person infront of me whenever i see you close.

            "I'm afraid to loose you."

            I don't want to say such things anymore because i know that someday, all of these will eventually come into a sad ending. I loved you. I truly loved you from the bottom of my heart. I ignored you so many times these past few days. Sorry. From the bottom of my heart, sorry for all of that.

            It's just that i couldn't figure out the next thing that i'll do for you.

            Will i enjoy every single moment that you're there for mw? or will i push myself away from you to avoid those pain that i might feel in  the future?

            Sorry... it's not because i hate you. it's because i loved you so much that i needed to keep myself away.

            Whenever i find myself spending time with them, i feel happy and at ease. I'm not certain about how but all i believe is that i share the same passion with them. It's been awhile since i've spent some time with the group i consider as my second family and i am really glad that it was as if nothing was changed. You know, i graduated but they're still so accomodating and i felt that i'm still a part of this family.

            I love them. From the bottom of my heart.

            The wind, the sky, the clouds and all of the trees around were shining this morning. I found it so nostalgic. I suddenly remembered all those times when i lingered at those streets, laughing with them. That's one of the most beautiful memories that make me miss my past. SAMANPAC is such a memorable part in my life. I've said that statement for a countless times, but i never get tired of saying it. LOL. Besides, i know and i believe that i'll be always a part of it.

            I participated at the org's workshop. It's was so much of a fun day! I had those same laughs and emotions that i had back then. They didn't change at all. But ofcourse, when i looked at a faraway old tree from the windows, i suddenly realized that it might be the last workshop that i've attended.... who knows, maybe i couldn't make it again next year @_@

            Sad... but i guess i need to accept that... But atleast, i had fun with them today... and i'm hoping to spend more time with them in the coming days . see you! love you! SAMANPAC rules into you! haha!

            PS. woah! I didn't spend even just as cent today! that was absolutely a miracle! hahahahahah